How to Make New Friends
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Good friends are good for you.
âGood friends bring so many colors of happiness in your life by relieving stress, giving comfort, and removing loneliness,â says Amber OâBrien, PsyD, a psychologist with the Mango Clinic in Miami.
Healthy friendships are also linked to better cardiovascular health, lower blood pressure, less depression, and a longer life. So it never hurts to try to make new friends.
Where to Make New Friends
Mahesh Grossman, a 62-year-old hypnotherapist and owner of Berkeley Hypnosis in Berkeley, CA, has made many friends over the years by joining peer-led meditation groups, 12-step groups, and church groups.
âEveryone goes out to dinner after the meeting. I get to know them a little bit at the restaurant. Then I make an effort to grab a one-to-one meal with several members within the first few months,â Grossman says. âThis eventually leads to friendship with some of those people and more comfort with the group as a whole.â
You might find new friends when you:
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Join a group or club. Find a local group where people with interests like yours meet regularly. Try a book club, religious group, parent meetup, music group, or biking group. âThe key is to fish in the right pond,â Grossman says.
Take a class. Sign up for a class at your local college, senior center, or gym. Learn Italian, dancing, or a new card game. When the topic interests you, youâre likely to find people who share your passion.
Look locally. You may be surprised by how many events are happening right in your community. Look in your local newspaper or community bulletin boards. Go online for neighborhood listings. Search the name of your city plus the words âsocial networkâ or âmeetups.â
Volunteer. People who work together often form strong connections. Meet people by volunteering with a community center, charitable group, hospital, museum, or place of worship.
Join a social circle. One of the easiest ways to meet people is to surround yourself with people who have large friend groups of their own, OâBrien says. âYou may already have people in your life who have a lot of friends,â she says. Join them when they invite you out. Ask for introductions. Take the first step and start a conversation with someone new.
Making Friends Online
It may seem easier to make friends online because you can find people around the world who have similar interests. If youâre an introvert, online friendships may feel more comfortable.
But if you live in different areas, you canât easily meet up or hang out in person. And online friendships may become unbalanced, where one person has a stronger emotional attachment than the other.
âMaking new friends online is cool and fascinating, but it can get challenging,â OâBrien says. Try to set healthy boundaries to avoid problems.
How to Start a Friendship
Friendships take time, but you can take steps to spark a relationship and nurture a connection.
Say yes. When youâre invited to a gathering or event, accept the invitation. Return the favor by inviting them somewhere. Extend your own invitations and ask a friend or acquaintance to get coffee or lunch.
Take the initiative. âYou donât need to wait for anyone to reach out to you and take the first step. Instead, become the kind initiator, even if youâre an introvert,â OâBrien says.
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Start the conversation. When youâre with someone youâd like to know better, start a conversation. âShare something about yourself,â OâBrien says. âLikewise, let them share about themselves.â
Show interest. Even if youâre just meeting someone, you can make them feel comfortable by asking the right questions and being a good listener. Ask open-ended questions. Encourage them to open up by saying things like, âTell me more.â
Smile. Make eye contact and smile. âSmiling while keeping good eye contact will create a positive effect on the other person,â OâBrien says. Theyâll feel more comfortable and interested in the conversation.
Share. As you get to know each other, try sharing small but more personal things about yourself. âIf youâre open with them, it gives them permission to be open with you,â Grossman says. But donât go overboard. Take it one step at a time.
Do a small favor. Small acts of kindness often lead to intimacy and connection. It doesnât have to be big or obvious; just a little gesture creates a feeling of good vibes.
Keep it going. When you meet someone, exchange numbers. Call or message them later. Ask if theyâd like to get together again. âStaying in touch is crucial,â OâBrien says.
What Not to Do
Avoid these common missteps:
Donât change who you are. Donât act different just to fit in. âAlways be yourself, genuine, and honest,â OâBrien says.
Donât brag. Boasting gives people a negative impression and may be a turnoff.
Donât be too aggressive. Coming on too strong may turn people away. Ease in with friendly conversations before you suggest meeting up for coffee or a run.
Donât expect results right away. âIt takes time to establish a strong bond between two people,â OâBrien says. âDo your best, but keep your expectations low.â Research suggests that it may take 10 to 15 conversations before you feel like friends.
How to Know When Youâre Friends
Signs of a new friendship include:
- The other person starts taking the initiative and calls or messages you.
- You feel comfortable and natural with them.
- Youâre not hesitant to share or do something in front of them.
- You respond to them with empathy, and they do the same with you.
âFirst, thereâs the becoming stage, where they do something to show they value your connection. They begin to text you or invite you to something,â Grossman says. Eventually, you become hangout buddies. And then, over time, youâre in regular contact and feel like true friends.
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