How to Manage Depression Triggers
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Stress can take a toll on anyone. But if you have depression, you might not bounce back from stress easily. The death of a loved one, a job loss, or a divorce could trigger symptoms such as guilt and hopelessness. But there are steps you can take to get better.
âYou need to see that youâre about to go down the rabbit hole, and take a step back,â says Jeannie Lochhead, MD, an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of California, Riverside School of Medicine. âMeditation, mindfulness, good sleep, avoiding alcohol, spending time with people who actually care about you — thatâs what builds resilience. Itâs not push, push, push. Try harder.â
You can manage your depression, no matter what causes it. Here are some common triggers and expert tips on how to take action to reduce their impact on you.
Job Loss
You might have a lot tied up in your work. For starters, a job loss can take you away from an entire network of people. âThat alone causes social isolation, which can cause depression,â Lochhead says.
Advice: Try to gain some control of the situation, says Tim Pearman, PhD, a professor of medical social sciences and psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine.
Pearman suggests you update your resume but stay flexible. âThere may be a whole bunch of job opportunities available to you that you might not even think about outside of your field,â he says. âMaybe itâs time to break the mold of how you self-identify in terms of your career path and consider other options.â Casting a wider net in your job search may help you feel more in control and less hamstrung by the recent job loss.
Rejection
No one likes to feel unwanted. But rejection, whether from a potential employer, a friend, or a significant other, can spark depression in some people. That includes those with rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD).
Advice: Use a technique called benefit-finding. âThe idea is basically finding silver linings,â says Kate Sweeny, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside.
Sweeny studies strategies that help people get through stressful or uncertain times. She says people tend to feel less depressed when they think about positive things that might come out of bad news, such as the loss of a job or relationship.
Marriage Problems or Divorce
The end of a relationship is hard, whether you live with depression or not. Thatâs true whether youâre the one who decides to leave or not. âItâs going to be a bumpy ride,â Lochhead says. âPeople need to expect that. Even if theyâre the ones who decide they want the divorce.â
Advice: Itâs important to plan for your future and feel hopeful about it. To do that, Lochhead suggests you look to the things in your life that fulfill you most. And donât pull away from your loved ones. âAvoiding social isolation is really important after divorce,â she says.
A marriage and family counselor can be a big help. Pearman says a coupleâs therapist can help you decide to stay together or âmake the splitting-up process as non-traumatic as possible.â
Family Troubles
All families have their ups and downs. But you donât have to push through and fix your problems on your own.
Advice: As a parent, you have lots of outlets. Pearman says to reach out to a family counselor, peer group, or friends and family. The same is true for children and teens. âKids who do the best, in terms of their emotional health, are the ones who have a really strong social network.â
Pearman suggests you head off family problems at the pass. Check in with your kids every week. Ask them about school, friends, and their likes and dislikes. âIt can be in the context of something fun, like going out for ice cream or taking a walk,â he says. âBut if your child knows youâre going to have that time, it can really open the door for them to be a little more communicative.â
Loss of a Loved One
Itâs normal to feel sad after you lose someone close to you. But depression and grief arenât the same thing. âActive grief tends to be a little bit more dramatic. Itâs crying spells and not being able to focus on anything because youâre so torn apart by it,â Pearman says. âWith depression, a lot of what people experience is a sense of numbness.â
Advice: Pay attention to your symptoms. If you canât focus on your work or get out of bed, or youâve been depressed for more than a few months, âat that point, itâs probably time to seek professional help,â Pearman says.
You can seek grief counseling before or after your loss. A counselor can help you work through strong emotions. Also, give yourself a break if you think youâre ânot grieving right.â Donât beat yourself up for grieving for too long or feeling too sad or not sad enough. âItâs not a linear process,â he says.
The anniversary of a loss can also be tough. It can help if you plan something for that day. âThat can be as simple as having a moment to reflect on what that person meant in your life,â Pearman says. âOr it can be as big a thing as getting family or friends together to talk about that person.â
Empty Nest
Itâs normal to feel uncertain and lonely when your kids leave home. Itâs a major change.
Advice: Lochhead almost always suggests mindfulness meditation for soon-to-be empty nesters. Itâs OK to be upset for a little while. But, she says, you need to focus more on âaccepting the change thatâs about to happen and letting the thoughts go.â
Pearman thinks itâs a good idea to volunteer or take a course to learn something new. This can help fill that newfound time and space with something that brings you joy.
Retirement
Your daily routine changes a lot when you donât go to work every day. That can raise your risk for depression triggers such as social isolation, bad sleep habits, and lack of physical activity.
Without a job, your days can feel as if they lose their structure. This can open your time up to all kinds of bad habits if youâre prone to them. For example, Lochhead says, âYouâre more likely to drink alcohol. If you usually drink only on the weekends, now you can drink Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday.â
Advice: Try to figure out what it is about retirement that might trigger depression. Then learn how to manage those cues. Lochhead says itâs all about planning. For example, do you feel low without a routine and a full social calendar? If so, create your own schedule and meetups with friends.
As with empty nest syndrome, Pearman suggests you volunteer or take a class. But he says itâs also the perfect time to get active. âTry a bunch of different things,â he says. âAnd if one kind of exercise doesnât speak to you, try something else.â
Long-Term or Caregiver Stress
Depression can sometimes be a symptom of an ongoing illness. Itâs easy to get mentally or physically overwhelmed if youâre sick or care for a loved one whoâs ill.
Advice: You might get the message that you need to stay positive. But itâs natural to feel bad when bad things happen, Pearman says. âLet yourself feel that.â
But more importantly, he says, is that you ask for help. Be specific. Maybe you need meals a couple of times a week. Or perhaps you want someone to stay with your loved one while you go to the gym. Donât worry about being a burden. Friends and family usually want to help. Pearman says it can actually âbe a giftâ if you tell them exactly what you need.
Holiday Stress
The holidays can be a time for celebration with friends and family. But all that activity can be hard to handle. The holidays often trigger depression for people. The stress of the holidays can lead to anxiety, too. âIf you have social anxiety, going to a holiday party may actually be incredibly stress-inducing,â Lochhead says.
Advice: Itâs healthy to limit the time you spend with certain people. That includes family members, friends, or co-workers. And donât feel bad about it. âRealize your own need for space and [figure out] how you can get that,â Pearman says.
But if you do start to notice unhealthy thoughts or behaviors, âthatâs where mindfulness and meditation can be very helpful,â Lochhead says.
The holidays can also throw you off your otherwise healthy routine. Keep an eye on your holiday sleep habits, eating patterns, physical activity, and alcohol intake. âAll of those things impact depression relapses,â she says.
Winter Blues
Many people have new or worse depression when the seasons change. Thatâs called seasonal affective disorder (SAD).
Advice: Talk to your doctor. They might suggest light exposure, talk therapy, or antidepressants. Physical activity can also help. âExercise is the number one most important strategy,â Pearman says. âIt really can turn things around.â
Write down your feelings as they happen. You might see that youâre more depressed in the morning or as the day goes on. âItâs really important to notice those patterns, because then, you can actually plan for when you need to get things done,â he says.
Hormonal Changes
Certain hormonal shifts can affect your mood. For women, that includes before the start of your period and during or after pregnancy or menopause. âIt can be overwhelming to feel like your emotions arenât in your control,â Lochhead says
Advice: No matter the cause, hormonal changes can bring serious symptoms that affect your daily life. Lochhead suggests you ask your doctor about medication or other treatments that can help you feel better.
If you get premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), plan for your symptoms. âSet an alarm 4 days before your cycle that says, âHey, warning, for the next 4 days, youâre going to feel things much more intensely,ââ Lochhead says.
Substance Use
People with depression are more likely to use drugs and alcohol. On the flip side, a substance use disorder (SUD) can worsen your low mood and other symptoms. This is what Pearman calls a âcircular relationship.â
Advice: Keep track of your substance use. âPeople who regularly overuse alcohol, or whoâve had any problems with addiction in the past, should make sure to keep a record of their drinking to ensure that it is staying within the limits they set and not increasing over time,â Pearman says.
Seek professional help if you canât control your drug or alcohol use. Pearman suggests a certified alcohol drug counselor (CADC). Theyâll help you manage your depression and your substance use.
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