Tips to Spice Up Your Sex Life
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Just because youâre older, doesnât mean itâs over.
âI have a graphic that says, âOld people have sex. Get over it,â says Joan Price, a 77-year-old award-winning author, public speaker, and educator specializing in senior sex. âThereâs no expiration date on sexuality, but many people let it go because their bodies donât work the way they did before. Instead, we can adapt, invent, and recreate exciting sex, and relax into it in a whole new way.â
What Changed?
When you were younger, hormones drove sex. As you age, your hormone levels decline.
In men, this means lower levels of testosterone.
You may notice:
- Shorter orgasms
- Weaker ejaculation and less semen output
- You need more stimulation to get and maintain an erection
- You need more time to have another erection after you ejaculate
In women, estrogen levels drop before and after menopause.
You may notice:
Medical conditions and illness, medication, and surgery can affect your sexual health, and so can your body image.
âSome people say, âOh no, how can anyone want me with all these wrinkles?â or âI canât have sex because my erections are unreliable,ââ Price says. âBut sex can be better at this time of life than it ever was because we know ourselves. We know what we need and what we want in sex and life.â
Tip 1: Communicate
Communication is the only one-size-fits-all sex tip for everyone at any age.
âOlder people were not taught to talk about sex or even acknowledge sexual pleasure and what they need,â Price says. âWe didnât learn to tell someone, âIâd really love if you do this instead.ââ
Whether youâve been with your partner since dinner or for decades, no one can read your mind. Things that felt good when you were younger may not feel good now. Donât fake it: Learn loving ways to say what you need.
âAcknowledge where we are mentally and physically,â Price suggests. âSay, âI canât hold this position because it hurts my knees, back, or neck,â or âWe need to have a threesome with a sex toy right now because I canât have an orgasm without it.ââ
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Tip 2: Expand Your Idea of Good Sex
Because a lack of hormones makes it more difficult to reach orgasm as you get older, you may not cross the finish line in the same way you did before. But you can still enjoy the ride.
âSex is better when itâs not goal oriented. We can relax into the pleasure of the sensation,â Price says. âTake out the expectation that sex has to be intercourse. There are many other ways to give and receive pleasure and sensation — and maybe orgasms — rather than to have this one sex act you always thought was âreal sex.ââ
Tip 3: Try a Sex Toy
As you age, a sex toy isnât just an enhancement; it can be the difference between having an orgasm or not. Price, who also reviews sex toys, says there are many wonderful toys out there for both partners.
A good sex toy should be strong enough for your aging body, but should build in intensity instead of going from zero to 100 mph. It should also be:
- Able to work for a long time without losing its charge
- Easily rechargeable
- Made of body-safe materials
- Comfortable to hold for long periods of time
- Slim (Price says aging vaginas âarenât as welcoming of girthâ)
Perhaps most important, your sex toy should be something you can control easily by look or feel. âThereâs nothing less sexy than fumbling for your glasses so you can see the controls on your sex toy,â Price says.
Tip 4: Experiment With Comfortable Positions
Your go-to position may not feel good anymore.
âInstead of âtry a new position,â I encourage people to find the position thatâs the most comfortable for you — the one that enables you to focus on the pleasurable sensation without any aches or pains,â Price says. âYou can explore new positions for novelty, then settle back into the position thatâs most comfortable for you.â
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Tip 5: Role Play With a Partner or in Your Mind
Role play gives you the freedom to say anything, do anything, and be anyone. Up-front communication with your partner sets you up for success. Start with questions like these:
- Should we role play one fantasy at a time? Or come up with one together?
- Name something that turns you on just to think about, even if youâd never do it in real life?
- If we tried to role play what you just described, what part would you want me to play and how would you want me to play it?
If your partner isnât comfortable with it, you can always role play in your mind.
âOur main sex organ is our brain,â Price says. âYou can role play in your fantasy without anyone knowing. Itâs not a betrayal of what youâre doing with your partner; itâs an enhancement to what youâre doing with your partner.â
Tip 6: Consider Age-Appropriate Erotica
If you consume younger erotica, you may be more depressed than aroused. Consider age-appropriate porn, magazines, books, or websites.
âOlder people are already self-conscious about how theyâre limited by the aging process, including aches, pains, and the inability to do things the way they used to,â Price says. âTo celebrate age, not just acknowledge it, is a wonderful way to stay sexy and zesty as we get older.â
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