Life After Alcohol
[ad_1]
The second time he tried alcohol, at 16, Chris Marshall wrecked his motherâs car, racked up a DUI, and landed in jail. That did not scare him sober. Marshall loved how alcohol helped lubricate his social relationships and fortified his sense of belonging. When he entered the University of Texas at San Antonio, he joined a fraternity and only ramped up his drinking.
But gradually, Marshallâs alcohol misuse left even his party-hearty fraternity brothers worried.
âIt was clear even in that highly intoxicated environment, I was still drinking harder and for different reasons than my friends were,â says Marshall, who grew up in Houston.
When he was 23, Marshall realized that he couldnât quit or even cut back on his own. Luckily he was still covered under his motherâs health insurance and could afford alcohol rehab. A perceptive psychiatrist helped Marshall realized that his heavy drinking camouflaged deeper problems: anxiety and depression.
âThis was the first time anyone ever said, âHey, youâre self-medicatingââ with alcohol, Marshall says. âAll the dots connected.â
Marshallâs doctor prescribed several medications for his anxiety, depression, and sleep issues. Over the next 2 years, Marshall not only got sober, but was also able to taper off his prescription drugs.
With hindsight, Marshall now sees that he relied on drinking as a crutch to feel closer to other people and to project a certain identity for himself. âAlcohol is really a social currency,â he says.
James Murphy, PhD, a psychology professor at the University of Memphis in Tennessee who studies addictive behaviors, says finding help as Marshall did is key to stemming alcohol misuse.
âRecovery is most likely to be successful when you have lots of support, from professional counselors, friends, support groups, family,â Murphy says.
At the same time, he says, new habits such as therapy, the right medications, and new activities can spark âpassion, curiosity, and joyâ and help sobriety stick.
Busting the âSober Is Boringâ Myth
New insights sometimes may help crystallize a path away from alcohol.
Tawny Lara describes her former self as âa party-girl bartenderâ who, like Marshall, started drinking in her mid-teens. Drugs were part of her scene, too. Now a writer and public speaker who lives in New York City, Lara dallied with sobriety many times before she finally got tired of all the âmental gymnasticsâ to justify it.
âEvery night was essentially the same: binge drinking, emotional meltdowns, fast food at 2 a.m., hungover in the morning,â she says. âNow, my life is full of self-awareness and possibility. I have more time and money to do the things I’ve always wanted to do.â
Laraâs new sober lifestyle also cleared the way to fully embrace her essence: her bisexuality. She gives talks on sober sex and has a book coming out soon.
At first, Lara says, she found sobriety âsuper awkward. I thought there was a flashing sign above my head that read, âThis Girl Isnât Drinking.ââ
The truth is that âmost people donât care or pay attention to what other people drink.â
Lara also quickly realized people who asked nosy questions about why she wasnât drinking âtend to have their own hang ups with alcohol.â
âI used to think that sobriety was boring, but now I see that being a party girl was boring,â Lara says
Envisioning Sobriety
One key to successful sober living is to map out real-life social scenarios.
âGo to the events with a goal in mind,â Murphy of the University of Memphis says. âIf your goal is moderate drinking, have a very specific plan for the amount and type of alcohol youâll consume, and how youâll space your drinks. If your goal is abstinence, remind yourself of whyâââ you are making this choice.â
Rehearse how youâll turn down drinks, Murphy says. What alcohol-free beverages will you order? Whatâs your plan if you get hit with a strong craving? It can also help to line up some âsafeâ people whoâll respect your stance.
Also, know you can step away from the party or even leave at any time, Murphy says. âYou are under no obligation to tell people why you arenât drinking.â
Lara agrees. âNever compromise your mental health for the sake of going to an event,â she says. âIf youâre super anxious about a first date or a party where thereâll be booze, itâs OK to back out or leave early. Anyone who cares about you will understand. Sobriety is about taking care of yourself, not people-pleasing.â
She now loves being sober at big events, such as concerts and weddings. âI actually remember conversations and moments that took place.â
Helping Others to Heal
Marshall grew up in a religious family that didnât use alcohol. In Black culture, medication and mental illness too often are regarded as weaknesses. Overcoming that stigma added to the challenge of Marshallâs recovery.
âThe hardest part is that in the beginning you may not realize that although your sober life may not feel good right away — you may feel more anxiety and pain and less joy — youâve chosen a path that will gradually maximize your well-being over time.â
Once he got sober, Marshall became a licensed substance abuse counselor for 8 years. He worked in a detox facility for 18 months.
âI became a âwounded healerâ and became a helper,â he says. Then it dawned on Marshall that the same kind of client kept turning up over and over, with no place to go and no one to hang out with without alcohol.
So in 2017, Marshall opened Sans Bar, an Austin, TX, hangout with only alcohol-free drinks on the menu.
âItâs a beautiful thing when people can decide for themselves that they arenât going to partake in alcohol, to celebrate being alive, and make conscious decisions,â he says.
Some companies book happy hour at Sans Bar so people can enjoy the social out-of-office setting, but âno oneâs saying anything dumb or stupid.â Sans Bar has even gone on tour, with âpop-upâ bars from Alaska to New York City.
Useful strategies for people starting on a sober path include breathing techniques and âurge surfing,â a meditation technique for envisioning temptations as waves that you can ride out. Prescription drugs may help curb cravings or dampen the pleasure you get from alcohol.
Marshall believes that full sobriety is a journey as much as a destination. His personal mantra is âas long as youâre trying to be incrementally better, you canât fail.â
[ad_2]
Source link